Oliver y el camping cristiano
Y me sigo aburriendo en el trabajo. Hay veces en las que alguno de los dos proyectos que llevo se pone medianamente interesante y entonces me lanzo de cabeza a hacer lo que haya que hacer. A pesar de que he bajado mucho el ritmo desde mis tiempos en Ficosa, la gente con la que trabajo ahora cree que soy un vendaval, tan acostumbrados como estan a hacer las cosas con calma y buena letra. Toda la empresa, empezando por los jefes, estan nerviosisimos porque de repente tenemos dos grandes proyectos a la vez. Dos proyectos. Parece mentira. Aun no he podido entender que tiene esta empresa que la hace rentable.
Ayer Oliver volvio del camping cristiano, mas aburrido que una ostra y con unas ganas enormes de salir de marcha. Estaba claro desde el principio que un evento asi, con diez mil cristianos, no iba a ser la monda. Pero por lo visto fue aun peor de lo que se temia. Por las manyanas temprano se juntaban todos en dos enormes carpas donde cantaban y adoraban a Jesus.
Segun me ha contado Oliver, habia cada dia muchos casos de hiperventilacion. Individuos que se lo flipaban en plena oracion, comenzaban a respirar rapido y hondo y al cabo de poco rato empezaban a delirar y se desmayaban. De ahi al suicidio colectivo no dista mucho.
Luego la mayor parte de las actividades eran seminarios donde se trataban asuntos teologicos y de la vida del buen cristiano de hoy en dia. Uno de los seminarios se llamaba, por ejemplo, "sexless in the city". "Sin sexo en la ciudad" para los que no hablen ingles (es decir, mis padres). Por supuesto, ni en la ciudad ni el camping. Los que iban sin el conyuge o la familia, los grupos de amigos y los solteros y solteras, muchos, dormian en tiendas individuales. Es decir, en el grupo de Oliver eran catorce amigos, pues dormian en catorce tiendas de campanya. Si por lo menos hubiesen habido unos cuantos leones, la cosa habria sido mas entretenida.
Al parecer lo mejor fue ayer por la noche, porque hacian "speed-dating", que viene a ser "ligando-a-toda-mecha". Un monton de solteras se sientan en un monton de sillas, con sus mesitas individuales, y al otra lado de la mesa hay una silla vacia. Cuando ya estan todas sentadas, un monton de solteros van pasando de silla en silla para conocer a la chica. Tienen tres minutos por mesa y un formulario. Al cabo de ese tiempo, tanto ella como el anotan el numero de la persona que acaban de conocer y votan " SI / NO / QUIZA ". Al cabo de no se cuantas horas se recogen los formularios y un complicadisimo sistema informatico, quiza parecido al que usan para la prediccion del tiempo, le da a cada uno una lista de citas.
Y es que los cristianos son tan pocos y tan especiales que no les es facil encontrar un macho/hembra con el que aparearse (casarse). Al parecer el numero de fervientes va disminuyendo y ya hay algunos sectores de la iglesia anglicana a favor del "speed-marrying" (casandose-a-toda-mecha), donde las mesitas se substituyen por pequenyos altares y un peloton de curas va casando a las parejas, en tres minutos a ser posible, que son elegidas con un sistema informatico menos complejo. Al fin y al cabo, casarte con alguien con el que no te acuestas ni para dormir tiene el mismo numero de posibilidades de salirte rana, no?
Y antes de despedirme, me han pedido que cuelgue la foto de las chicas de la boda de los Txungais. Alla van.
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